Relationships, Resources

Newsflash: Your boo isn’t perfect! Tips for Dealing with your Partner’s Flaws

There have been moments since Devon & I got married where I wondered, “Who in the world did I marry?” Can you relate? It used to scare me, but as we’ve continued building a life together, I’ve realized that it’s normal in any relationship to feel the weight of your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend’s quirks, shortcomings, and flaws. True romance and intimacy means that you invite someone to see all your flaws, and it also means that you come face to face with theirs. Here are some tips for those moments when you find yourself wondering how to deal with your partner’s flaws:

Extend grace very generously

When your partner shows their flaws, extend them grace and forgive them for their shortcomings. People are flawed by nature. This includes your partner—and guess what? It also includes you. So, when you find yourself struggling to deal with a flaw in your partner, focus on being gracious. Real love shows itself in moments where it may not be easy.

Focus on their strengths

It’s so natural to dwell on a person’s shortcomings, especially when they’re really bothering you. But try and focus on your partner’s strengths and the things you love most about them. You’re dating, engaged, or married to this person for a reason, so they must have some pretty awesome qualities. Focus on those instead.

Give the benefit of the doubt

Sometimes a rough day, situation at work, or other outside circumstance can affect the way a person acts. Your partner may be acting ugly, but they might not really mean to, or it might have nothing to do with you. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Love them for their intentions, not necessarily their actions.

Remember, you have faults too

For every flaw your partner has, remember that you have one that’s just as bad—if not worse. There are times where you’re just as annoying, hurtful, angry, or sarcastic. In light of this, circle back to tip #1 and show them a little grace and forgiveness. It probably won’t be long before you need some too.

How do you and your partner navigate each other’s flaws in your relationship? Leave us a comment below and share your favorite tips!

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  • Reply Markshimere Jones March 7, 2018 at 3:35 pm

    Just saw the signature on your blog. I knew this had to be created by a Christ follower. That blesses my heart. Thank you for helping the body (and the world) with something that everyone struggles with.

  • Reply Hannah March 8, 2018 at 8:18 am

    My husband and I had a rocky start in marriage….I won’t go into details and bore everybody, but let’s just say that we (well, I did….and reiterated it to him until he realized it was the truth) realized pretty quickly that if we were going to survive the tough obstacles ahead and deal with the problems and save our relationship, we were gonna have to learn to communicate. Neither of us were great at that in the beginning… I would say, after a year of therepy and a lot of mistakes and arguments and forgiveness, that i’m SO GLAD we didn’t throw in the towel, because things are better than ever now, two and a half years after saying our vows. God really helped us through the rocky and interesting (and at times amusing) process of learning to communicate and be there for each other and work through things.

    One of the most helpful things I carry with me from therepy is that anger is always, ALWAYS, a secondary emotion. There’s *always* a primary emotion behind anger that the anger hides….so, on good days, we are able to look past the anger and instead compassionately discover what’s really wrong. That has helped us so much. As has praying together and really making sure to keep the lines of communication open and vulnerable.
    Love the blog and DateBox – we’re homebodies so DateBox is the best thing ever for us! The pretzel date was amazinggg – thanks you guys, and God bless!:)

  • Reply Melody Helms March 17, 2018 at 2:15 pm

    My husband and I purpose to remember that we made a CHOICE to marry each other. He prayed before asking me, asked my father, and I accepted. We made agreements on how we wanted our life before he proposed and we have stuck to that basic structure through the good, bad, and ugly.
    I have studied his love languages as they’ve changed over our 22+ years as husband and wife, and as parents. I love him fiercely and I have prayed often that my desire always be for him and his for me.
    To those “younger” in your marriage – just keep moving forward and grow with your spouse. Keep forgiving, keep asking to be forgiven, say you’re sorry, say you’re thankful. Write notes. (The old way) leave them where he/she charges devices. Remember to keep them first, speak about your spouse positively to others. My husband is precious to me. He is a gift from God that I do not deserve but for which I am thankful. We are stronger together and I want to make him happier every year that he picked me.

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